My big girl is going to camp. Not children’s camp, but youth camp. And I am not ok with that!
I still remember the day I found out I was pregnant with her (scared and excited all at the same time). I remember the day I brought her home from the hospital, all alone and so afraid I would do everything wrong. And how I cried so on her first birthday! (Being exceptional as she is, she was walking and carrying on conversations by that point, so she really was not a baby anymore.)
My husband reminded me the other day that she is a good kid and pretty much always makes good choices. I am not worried about her (and anyway I’m always here to help her with making choices or to pick up the pieces if she makes a bad one)…I am just not ready for her to grow up! She is 10…I always thought when your kids were 10 they were still, you know, kids. Little girls. But my K, who has always been mature and socially advanced (which is rare when you have a child that is as advanced academically as she is) is crossing the line from girl to young woman much faster than I would like.
If you are friends with me on Facebook, you might have seen my post about youth group Sunday night, when a boy (who my husband estimated to be 13-14) made a point to come fist bump my girl before she left. And when he told me she blushed and giggled! She has had no interest in boys yet, but I know it is coming in the next year or so. And of course they will notice her, she is beautiful! She’s getting taller, her hair’s getting silky and highlighted from the sun and she’s, you know, getting “curves”. 😦 I’m just hoping her super brainy smarts and perfectionism and love for spewing random facts continuously will keep them too afraid to ask her out. (If not, her Uncle promised to clean guns on our porch. :D)
She left at 10am today and I already miss her and wish I could call her! I am sure she is fine and having so much fun without us, but the house doesn’t feel right when one of them isn’t home. Her sisters miss her a lot, and poor M, having no concept of time, keeps expecting her to be here when we get home, wake up, etc… even though we keep telling her we will go get K on Saturday.
I am so blessed, not only to have such an amazing daughter that is brilliant, fun, kind, God-serving, lovely and innocent, but that she still calls me Mommy and hugs and kisses me in front of her friends (that may end some day, but I have a feeling it is just a part of who she is, and our special relationship). Instead of being hurt or sad or blaming anyone for the fact that she did not have a father figure for the first 4 years of her life, she is proud to tell people that it was just her & me until I married her “Daddy” when she was 4 1/2. She loves her story, because it makes her feel special that we had so much time just the 2 of us. (And as much as I love my husband and other kids, we did have a blast just the 2 of us…I loved being a single mom to K as much as I love being a married mom to all 3 of them.)
I guess growing up is inevitable, and maturity will happen when it will. I just hope the next 7 years slow down exponentially…otherwise I will be seeing my girl off to some big, fancy (expensive) out of state college before I can blink my eyes. And I can’t imagine my home, my daily life, without her.