Parenting a spectrum of girls

Posts tagged ‘pregnancy loss’

Another day

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Teamwork

I felt the need, the call, whatever to write a blog post today, though I am not sure what of the thoughts in my head to single out.  It has been a somewhat challenging week for my little ones, and for me too I suppose.  Things overall are good, but this evening I feel melancholy.  Maybe I’m just tired and need a full night’s sleep.  This morning my alarm woke me in the middle of a vivid dream…don’t you hate that?  It makes you start the day feeling disoriented and like something is left unfinished.

K is going through a rough patch, adolescence or something more I am not sure.  She hasn’t had a bad attitude or anything like that, but I suppose she is feeling a bit melancholy herself.  And she has the ACT coming up very quickly, so I need to focus and make sure she takes all of the practice tests, as well as a full run through the weekend before. 

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My pink haired girl

The same day K takes the ACT, A has her last soccer game of the season and M has dance class and the big end of the year recital, where I promised to be a room mom. I will be glad when that day is over!

M is having a hard time with school drop offs (some days) and refuses to go to children’s church.  She is ignoring her teacher at school and finding it impossible to sit still at rest time (thankfully no rest time next year in “regular” kindergarten!). She did crack me up today.  She and A were playing and I overheard M say “your mom is dead, remember?  That means you can have whatever you want to drink.”. Oh my…black and white thinking at its hilarious best.  She started to get upset today when I didn’t take the usual route home.  She ended up calming down but that hasn’t been an issue, well, since she started her meds last fall.  It worries me when I see these little regressions.

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M with her finished bowl for Empty Bowls

A has been OK.  Asthma acting up a little, as well as seasonal allergies & her extra-sensitive mosquito bite allergy.  Here in Michigan the mosquitoes are AWFUL this year.  Yesterday she got some bites and she swells badly.  One on her foot swelled so bad we can hardly get any shoe on her foot and it is painful to touch.  Poor baby 😦

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Baby bear putting flowers on my grandparents' grave

Yesterday we put flowers on my maternal grandparents’ graves.  This is something we do every year at the same time, to remember them and show our love and respect.  We also do it at this time because it is a tangible but indirect (i.e. less painful) way to remember E, our 2nd child.  We do it on the day that would been E’s birthday according to due date (also less painful than observing on the day of loss).  E would have been 7 this month.  We did this a day later this year because the day before I was exhausted and not up to going, but it was still nice (though of course M complained it was boring so we didn’t stay long).

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K putting flowers on the graves

And…as if it weren’t eventful enough, the kittens all had conjunctivitis and needed a trip to the vet for some drops.  Fortunately they are 100% better already.  They are out of the crate and wandering around the house.  They are playful, adorable and have their own personalities.  I love them so much and we will miss them when they are old enough for their new homes.  But, 7 cats is really not an option for our family…though we are still trying to convince the hubby to keep one, taking our cat total to 4.  K named them (2 males & 2 females): Doctor, Melody, Amy & Rory.  😉

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Doctor, the cutest & most easy going kitten ever!

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Sweet Amy fell asleep on a pillow

We will get to rejuvenate this weekend with a soccer game, a cookout with friends and planting our garden.  Have a great Memorial Day weekend!

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Musings on Motherhood

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Me & my wonderful family

Since today is Mother’s Day, I’ve been thinking a lot about what being a mom means to me.  And being me, I like to write things down, it helps me organize and clear my mind.  These are my musings on motherhood.

Being a mom means that I have been blessed and trusted with three amazing daughters to care for and raise.  I get to watch them grow and guide them.  I get to kiss their boo boos and help them up and encourage them to try again.  I get to experience their pains and their achievements.  I also have the responsibility of raising them to be the best they can be, to be happy, to be themselves, to leave the world better than they found it.

Being a mom means that, for reasons I will never know on Earth, my second child was born much too early, into the arms of Jesus.  I miss him every day but I am comforted to know that one day, when my work on Earth is complete, I will finally get to kiss his face and dance with him in my arms.

Being a mom means that no matter what, I must press on and keep going, because there are little ones who need me.  This is actually a positive thing.  Most days are very good, but some days are very hard…but I am able to keep going through everything and get out of bed every day because I have children who need me, and I would do anything for them.

Being a mom means that I have experienced the miracle of a child growing inside of me, of giving birth, of nursing, of feeling and watching my child breathe, their heart beat, their little hand curl around my finger.  As a parent I can’t imagine not believing in God, or not valuing every single life.  Every part of every life is an absolute miracle.  Don’t waste it, and don’t forget to see the miracle in every other human being.  God gave life to us ALL.  Choose to see the miracle.

Being a mom means that my children are growing.  The hardest part for me is letting go.  My baby will be in K-readiness in the fall.  My oldest will be going away to college in 6 years (or less).  I am not ready.  I will never be ready.  My heart is walking around outside my body, and one day it will fly away from me, and it will hurt, a lot…but that is a mother’s job.  It is the hardest and most amazing job to have.

Being a mom has always been wonderful but has not always been easy.  I was a single mom for over 4 years.  I have a daughter with autism.  I have had to leave my precious tiny babies with other caregivers to go back to work to put food on the table and a roof over our heads.  But I have also watched them sleep, been hugged countless times, watched them achieve the impossible, been a part of every day of their lives and been told I am the best mom ever.

Today my miracles gave me the gifts they had made for me at school…from A a plant in a pot she made and “mom” candle holders she made.  From M a clay heart necklace she made and a card she made and wrote all by herself.  From K a coupon book and a card that made me cry.  In this card she said some amazingly wonderful things including that she hopes if she ever has kids that she is as good a mom as I am to her and her sisters.  Isn’t that what every mother really wants to be?  Someone for her children to look up to and aspire to be like?   As much as I feel like I am doing it all wrong, I must be doing something right.

Being a mom, above all, means that I am blessed. 

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